Stressing about Money!

I've been MIA for a while.. I hate when that happens because I have so many blog topics that pop up in my head but either A. I forget to jot them down on a piece of paper when they come to me or B. I am just too busy tending to Chloe. It's still crazy around here one day she sleeps through the entire day basically then the next she is up all day fussy and wants to be tended to every minute. So you would think on those days that she is sleeping all day that I would get some work done well that never seems to happen because I am either sitting at the computer pinning stuff or I am running around the house cleaning and doing this and that. Laundry these days seems to take up an entire day so yesterday that is all I did. Now today, that was a whole different story.

Today I once again had my mothering skills put to the test. Some days I feel like I can't do this because I either have too much anxiety about other things I need to take care or I am just overwhelmed. We are coming into a bind financially with money because I am a SAHM. I am supposed to be a working stay at home mom but that is proving to be very challenging. So each day I have high hopes to get things done but then either Chloe is having a bad day or I am off goofing around doing other things I could probably do when Scott gets home. But as each day passes and I haven't gotten to what I want to do with my business, I start to feel guilty that I am not doing enough to help with our financial situation. Going back to work right now is not an option that we have on the table, it's not what we want for Chloe and I have absolutely no desire to work. It would break my heart into pieces and literally thousands of pieces because I don't want to leave her all day in the hands of someone else. I don't care if its even family.. she's my little girl and I brought her in this world to raise her by myself. Eh, I don't even want to think about that so I will go on to my next thought.

So back to financial situations.. we've found ourselves having to pay more in rent now because our landlord has increased our rent, it sucks but we are in no position to buy a house and our lives are too crazy to move somewhere else. I am way too lazy to be boxing crap up and moving else where. I'd rather pay an additional 50 bucks a month then deal with the hassle of trying to find some where else to live in 30 days. So we got one more year left in this condo.. it makes me sad because we've called this our home for almost 3 years now.. I knew this day would come eventually but I really enjoy living where we live. We are so spoiled with our huge bedroom and master bath that I don't want to give that up ever. But he's got to sell it next year and next year at this time I'll have a one year old running around wondering where her home is. I pray to god that Scott's business takes off and his projected income in a year does pan out to be what it is and then will be able to be in my dream home.. we don't want to buy just a little starter home, we want the big house to grow into and be proud of where we've come from.

Well those are my thoughts for the night. I need to pump and get to bed.. could be a long night? Never know with a 2 month old!